I have gone through this whole day wasting my time with useless entertainment.
I am wondering why I am so lazy, for homework and other meaningful things.
I am always start with hard working attitude and end up with laziness within a short duration.
It usually wouldn't lasting for one week.
Sigh......
I have tried not to interrupt in during his lecture time but I couldn't.
I always did the same mistakes.
I start to doubt his thinking.
He's just hard to be understand, I always can't read his mind.
Feel so sad about this.
If I get it wrong, then I will screw up everything, making him to feel annoy on me.
What should I do?
As I did text him in the afternoon just now,
he seems to be busy with his lectures.
That's true.
He's studying right now, not a free man like any other else.
He's full loaded, burdened with a lots of assignments and commitment.
He can't take it easy.
I know, he's fighting hardly for his future.
Evening just now, he sent me a message but actually I am the one who starts the message sending like usual.
Later on , I choose to end our conversation earlier, so that he can get in bed and rest well.
But I feel not good, I still feel like wanna continue that conversation, and we did.
I gave him permission not to accompany me during his mid-term break.
But actually when I said these, I am heart-breaking, feeling totally hurt,
some kind like, the peeling the skins of onion...
The pain in that instant which occur frequently.
Of course I hope he can accompany me on those days.
But I got no choice, so does him.
He has to finish all his assignment and work on time.
Shouldn't be any delay happen.
And if I insist my stubbornness, sure he wouldn't feel okay even I am beside him...
Then only thing I can do,
is to free him.
Not to bond him in my circumstances.
Makes like, I am single and so does him.
I am not okay.
I am not fine.
Totally feeling abandoned...
I am such a weirdo...no doubt...
